Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
