Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
