i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
