I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Randomize
