Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Randomize
