the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
