It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
