I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
