I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
