I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
