I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
