How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
