just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
