even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Randomize
