You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
