this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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