woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
