it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
