her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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