I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
this hospital has no fireball
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
