she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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