My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize