She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
