Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
