no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize