God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it was like eating out sand paper
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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