I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
