I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
