I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
