why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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