i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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