I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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