she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
