I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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