I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
