I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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