While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize