I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
