Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
