Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize