I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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