Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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