ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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