dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
