I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
