Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
