He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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