Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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