She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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