your parents love me but you hate me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
