They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
