there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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