i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
