I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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