he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
