It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
