This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize