So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
