I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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