the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
