Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
