I want to make a zoo with you.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
