if you like me you must not know who I am
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We had sex on a dog bed..
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
