I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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