Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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