he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
