i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
