Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
