Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
