I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
